I recently saw my first love. Love may not be the best word to use… but it was unexpected. He was the first person who has ever reciprocated something. The timing was never right, I was never right, and he was never right. My heart still drops every time I think about him. Do you remember the first time a guy put his arm around and just held you. Held you close. And you couldn’t help but tilt your head onto his shoulder.
It was the first time anyone has ever been there and showed it to me physically. The first time someone had openly showed that they cared not because I asked them but because they wanted to. It was a first. I often close my eyes and try to relive the moment and the feeling. I think about going back. If I were given the chance to, would I take it? I wish that I could say I would not because living in the past is unhealthy and illogical. But. But what you many ask? But having someone care you for because they want to is amazing.
I honestly still don’t know what went wrong. It has been a year. One day I opened up, put myself on the line, and ended up crying the entire night through. I did not sleep one bit. I couldn’t. I kept listening to Christina Perri‘s song ‘Arms‘ over and over again.
“You put your arms around me and I’m home.”
That was all I could think about. How good it felt. How I would wake up excited and rejuvenated every morning to see his face. To have that arm holding me. It would be much simpler to say that I made this entire story up in my head. At least then I could have an explanation, someone to blame but in this case I don’t. Everything was so wrong yet felt so right.
The Summer Set‘s song ‘When We Were Young’ and the image below reminds me of the time I had. Young, naïve, and free. I wrote a little blurb/poem that is somewhat inspired by this particular period in my life. I don’t want to call it poetry but there really isn’t anything else to call it. Anyway…
Has this ever happened to you? Please comment below with your stories. I would love some advice about well anything.
P.S. The blurb is a work in progress and I would love to have your input also!
When we were young, and the air was free. There was nothing that could stop just you and me. The times were simpler. Your eyes glistened as you listened. Our fingers intertwined like the stories and truth in my mind. You were worry free in a troublesome world. Danger, nonexistent. Had no limitations unforeseen. I was alone. Everything you were not yet we were the same. Un'till the inches stretched and stretched across the highest of mountains and the widest of seas. No path directly to thee. Indeed winter came. And with all of his glory, retired. Not more than a smokescreen prevailed. Retired, were our voices. Retired, our lives became. Retired were we. Do you remember, back then, when we were young, and the air was free. No smoke could have stopped, just you and me.
